Title: Quality Time
Author: cgb (luberluber@yahoo.com.au)
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Rating: NC-17
Category: Sheppard/ McKay, McKay/ everyone
Summary: "Rodney McKay, as it turned out, was a complete slut."
Author’s notes: The working title of this story was "Poor, poor John and his slutty, slutty boyfriend" for which I thank Trinityofone.

*

Rodney McKay, as it turned out, was a complete slut. It shouldn't have bothered John because John had seen plenty of action in his time and he understood that a guy in demand had certain obligations to meet. Admittedly, he thought it was a little crazy that out of all the guys in Atlantis Rodney was the one in demand but John thought Rodney had this weird smart-arrogant-sexy thing going on so why should anyone else be indifferent?

John wasn't possessive either. In fact, ‘commitment-phobic’ was a phrase uttered by more than one of John's former partners, so it wasn't like John was demanding Rodney become a one-on-one kind of guy to suit John's needs. But then there were nights like these where John, feeling hot and bothered and stressed and needing a little comfort in the arms (or between the legs) of his favourite genius-come-nymphomaniac, knocked on Rodney's door only to hear a muffled, "I'm busy," some giggling, a lot of gasping and more grunting than John *really* thought was necessary.

It wasn't like John wanted exclusivity, but he did want priority.

"I feel it only fair to remind you that I don't need to be invited in," John said, raising his voice at the closed door. Atlantis let John go pretty much wherever he wanted. It was convenient, if a little spooky.

Inside Rodney's room there was the sound of shuffling, followed by some more giggling, followed by a thud, thud, thud and then the door opened and Teyla appeared.

"Colonel Sheppard." She nodded as she slid past him, a sly smile plastered across her face. She was carrying her fighting sticks.

Rodney appeared at the door after her. "Yes?" he said. He had bed hair, bedroom eyes and he was wearing nothing but boxers. John would have thought it was sexy if he weren’t so pissed.

"That was Teyla," John said.

"Yeah." Rodney smiled affectionately. "Great, great girl. Really something."

"You're having sex with Teyla," John said, not sure whether to believe it despite the incontrovertible evidence. "And why was she carrying her sticks?"

"She - ah - likes to be prepared. And hey, do you have to announce it to the entire city?" Rodney poked his head out the door and looked down the corridor. After determining there was no one around, he grabbed John's arm and pulled him inside. "I'm trying to be discreet. Not everyone has my kind of allure, you know. I don't want anyone to be - well - jealous of the kind of action I'm seeing."

Too late, John thought. "Speaking of action," he said. "It would be nice if I didn't have to wait my turn every time I wanted some. I mean, I get that we have an open relationship, but I thought that meant you saw other people on your own time, not my time."

"Sure, sure," Rodney said. He picked up a t-shirt off the floor and pulled it over his head. "But you know what it's like juggling a career and a relationships and that whole saving the galaxy thing - sometimes you have to micro-manage. I, personally, keep a date book. Well, an e-book actually - who uses paper these days? But the point being, you have to make time for quality time."

John blinked. "Are you saying you want me to make an appointment to have sex with you?"

"Exactly. I knew you'd understand." Rodney opened the laptop on his desk, bringing his electronic calendar up on the monitor. "Now let's see... I've got Lorne at three and Ronon at six. I usually set aside a whole evening for Ronon - he likes to snuggle, would you believe. I could have him out of here by midnight but I'm sure neither of us wants to interrupt my beauty sleep. I could fit you in tomorrow at seven. Elizabeth has made a tentative booking for eight but she's always so busy... we could get a whole night to ourselves, fate willing."

"Elizabeth?" John was incredulous. And a little jealous. He always thought Elizabeth had a thing for him. "Is there anyone on Atlantis you're not doing?"

"Kavanagh. I have standards. Low standards, admittedly, but there are some places no one should go in the name of sexual gratification. Also, Heightmeyer - she thinks it would be unprofessional. I don't really get that. It certainly doesn't make a difference to Dr Beckett. And then there’s... wait, no, I did him last week. Surprisingly energetic for a man his age. I could barely keep up. And there was this thing he did where he got me to bend over and put my leg on..."

"Stop!" John said. "I don't need details."

Rodney shrugged. "I'm just saying, you could learn a thing or two from some of these people."

"Which is another thing," John said. "I'd rather you didn't compare my sexual prowess with everyone else on Atlantis. It's isn't exactly a turn on."

"Relax," Rodney said, patting John on the shoulder. "You're in my top three – definitely top five - all time favourite sexual conquests. And at least one of those didn't take place on Atlantis so you really shouldn't look at everyone you encounter as potential competition."

"Rodney," John said, crossing his arms defiantly. "I'm not making an appointment to have sex with you."

"Well, fine, but I honestly don't know how I'm going to fit you into my schedule otherwise." Rodney looked at the monitor, scratching his chin.

John pouted. Pouting worked for John. John's pout made women weak at the knees. Straight men found themselves suddenly interested in musicals and disco when John pouted.

Rodney, however, was immune. "The pout thing? So not working."

John threw up his hands. "Well what do you want me to do, Rodney? I thought we had something going here, but it turns out I'm sharing you with the entire population of Atlantis."

"Oh." Rodney looked embarrassed. "I should tell you..."

"What?"

"Well, it's just that I like to spend a day or two out of every fortnight on the mainland and the Athosians have really taken to me..."

"Oh my god!" John put a hand to his forehead. "You're incredible."

"Well, that's what everyone is saying, and all false modesty aside..."

"Rodney!" John waved his arms like a crazy person. "How do you expect me to be with you when you're such a... a slut!"

Rodney pointed toward his monitor. "Um... you saw my date book, right? I admit it's something of a squeeze but I think, with effective time management, we can work out a schedule that leaves plenty of time for you and plenty of time for everyone else on Atlantis who needs me. And John, these people *need* me."

John sighed. He had to be having the most ridiculous argument in couples’ history. Not for the first time since he started dating Rodney, he wondered what Chaya was doing. "Okay, So tomorrow. Fine," John said. "In the meantime I'm going to my quarters to take care of my own business."

"Oh wait." Rodney put his hand on John's shoulder. "You cut my session with Teyla short so I’ve got a little extra time on my hands. I could give you a blow job?"

"Like that changes anything."

"It changes a lot," Rodney said. "In my experience it changes one's disposition from horny to satiated. Simple yet effective." He reached for John's pants and began unfastening the clasp.

John batted at Rodney's hands. "Stop that. I'm trying to make a point."

"So am I," Rodney said. He lowered John's pants to his hips. John had an erection. Unfortunately, when it came to arguments, John's dick was always on Rodney's side.

Rodney ducked his head and began working John's erection with his tongue. John closed his eyes, his mouth forming a silent, "oh" as he rested his hand on Rodney's neck, thumb rubbing Rodney's collarbone. Admittedly, Rodney was incredible. And it really sucked that John didn't have sole access to Rodney's incredible talents; what kind of relationship was this anyhow? Who would let their boyfriend whore his ass out to the entire...

Rodney slid a finger into John's ass and John suddenly forgot what he was thinking about.

*

Of course it was soon after that John was outside of Rodney's quarters again, feeling satiated if not entirely satisfied. It occurred to him that spending time with the King Slut of Atlantis could take some arranging.

He found Elizabeth in her office sipping coffee and looking bored with what was probably yet another report on an uninteresting planet from an even less interesting off-world team.

He knocked on the open door. Elizabeth looked up. "So I heard you've got an appointment with McKay tomorrow?" John said.

"Tomorrow?" Elizabeth blinked. "It's Thursday already? Wow. This last week just flew by."

"Yeah," John said, shifting his position slightly. "Well, I was wondering if you'd consider rescheduling. See - me and Mckay need to spend some quality time together and he’s kind of busy with..."

Elizabeth held up her hand. "No way. I've had the week from hell. I swear to god if we encounter one more planet of Amish villagers who want to burn an off-world team at the stake, I'm going to say to hell with the negotiations and let them go for it. I need Rodney, if you get what I'm saying. Also - " She tilted her head to the side. "I thought you had an open relationship?"

"It's a little too open."

"Well, John, I'd like to help you, but as the leader of this expedition I think I'm entitled to a perk or two - and priority dibs on Rodney's talents is definitely a perk. He really is incredible, you know. You should be very proud."

"Uh," John said, because there really was no way to respond to that.

"But if you want anyone scheduled for an unexpected off-world mission, I could probably help you there. I've seen Major Lorne coming out of Rodney's quarters three times this week. In my opinion that's just greedy."

"I'll let you know," John said. He left Elizabeth's office. There were some things one really shouldn’t have to ask of one’s CO.

*

"So I was thinking," John was saying. "If you could finish early on Friday night then Rodney and I could spend a late evening together and get a few hours of quality time while still getting a good night's sleep."

Ronon folded his arms and glared.

"Well, it's not like you're actually doing anything together during that time," John said.

Ronon's lip curled.

"I mean, you can snuggle with anyone."

John ended up on his back on the floor with the air knocked out of him.

He crossed Ronon off the list.

*

"Come on, Zelenka, you spend all day in the lab with him. Taking up his time outside of hours is not fair to the rest of us, especially me." John was whining now. It was kind of embarrassing.

"Ah, but he is a different man outside the lab." Zelenka smiled knowingly. "He is a much kinder, gentler soul."

"He’s Mother-fucking-Theresa," John said. "And I’m not asking that he deprive you of his divine benevolence completely, I’m just asking if you wouldn’t mind giving up your Saturday booking so me and my boyfriend can spend some time together."

Zelenka shrugged. "What’s in it for me?"

"Uh..." John thrust his hands in his pockets. He hadn’t expected to bargain. "I could stop calling you ‘the funny looking guy with the glasses and the accent’?"

"I thought as much." Zelenka crossed his arms and leaned back against the bench looking smug. "You have nothing to offer in return."

"You can carry my gun for a week?" John said.

"Please," Zelenka said. "You military people are the only ones who care about guns."

"I’ll let you borrow my hair gel," John said. Zelenka raised an eyebrow. "I’m sure we could work something out with the – uh – 'do' you got going there." John made a vague gesture toward Zelenka’s head.

Zelenka looked skeptical. "My hair would look like yours?"

"Well," John said. "Not exactly like mine."

Zelenka shook his head. "It’s impossible. My hair - I can’t do a thing with it. And I don’t believe you can either. You might be gay but you are no hairdresser. I am better to spend quality time with your boyfriend. He is incredible, you know."

John sighed. "Yeah, I’ve heard."

"You should be very proud."

"Shut up," John said.

*

"You can’t be serious," Dr Beckett was saying. "I have Rodney on Sunday morning. It’s a prime spot. He’s a lot friskier in the morning."

John thought he should know this, but it was a long time since he’d had the pleasure of sleeping in with Rodney on a Sunday morning. Also, it was disturbing how many people knew things about Rodney as a lover that John didn’t. And what the hell did Beckett mean by ‘frisky’?

"You gotta see it from my point of view," John said, choosing to ignore the frisky comment for the moment. "I’m in this very broad definition of a couple and while I accept we’ve made room for others in the relationship, it’s getting over-crowded."

Beckett shrugged. "Your boyfriend is a man of exceptional talent, Colonel. He’s also very generous. You should be…"

"Yeah, yeah, I’m very proud." John gripped the edge of one of the hospital beds hard. Despite the blow job yesterday, John’s lack of sex was making him a little aggressive. "Unfortunately Rodney’s exceptionally giving nature is not helping me get laid."

"Well, you’ve come to the right place." Beckett opened the pharmacy cupboard. "These little pills don’t just look pretty, you know. They can actually cure everything from toe fungus to sexual frustration."

"I don’t need pills. I need sex!" John grabbed Beckett by the collar with both hands. "Listen to me, Doc. If I don’t get to screw my boyfriend in the next few days, I can’t be responsible for what might happen."

Beckett swallowed. "I shouldn’t have to tell you this, Colonel," Beckett said. "But physically threatening the person responsible for your medical clearance might not be a wise career move."

Beckett was right. Being committed was not going to improve John’s sex life. Although given the number of times John had insisted Rodney was going to drive him crazy, John would relish the chance to say, ‘I told you so.’

John let Beckett go. "Fine. Go ahead. Have Rodney on Sunday. I hope you’re very happy."

"Thank you." Beckett smiled in relief. "You know he really is…"

"Yeah, yeah," John said. He left the infirmary sulking like a six-year-old.

*

John figured he was a nice guy. Everyone said so. John suspected that even under all that Stalinist attitude the Genii thought John was the kind of guy they’d like their daughters to marry. Some of the Athosians even went so far as to say John was cool, and who else on Atlantis could make that claim?

Sure, no one ever said John was incredible but there was only one Rodney McKay, wasn’t there?

And that was kind of the problem.

John figured it was about time to throw the nice guy image out the window. He marched down the corridor to Rodney’s quarters, commanded the door to open and went right on in without being invited.

"Rodney, we need to talk…"

John was rendered momentarily speechless by the sight of Rodney with his feet around Colonel Caldwell’s ears.

"Can it wait?" Rodney asked, like it was nothing to be caught naked with a fifty-something Air Force Colonel.

"Forget it," Caldwell said, pulling away from Rodney, and reaching for the pants strewn across Rodney’s chair. "The mood has gone."

"Uh…" John said.

Rodney sat upright on the bed and sighed loudly. "Same time next week, Colonel?"

Caldwell grunted as he walked out but it sounded like a 'yes.'

"Well you’ve completely ruined any chance you ever had of making General now," Rodney said. "I suppose that doesn’t bother you."

"Not really, no," John said. He was still trying to get over the sight of Colonel Caldwell’s white, white ass as he pumped in and out of Rodney. Funnily enough, John thought, Caldwell looked pretty good for his age.

"Well, it should. You need to think about our future, you know – keeping me in the lifestyle to which I’ve become accustomed and all. You think I want to live the rest of my life with a guy who never made it past Lieutenant Colonel?"

"First of all," John said. "We don’t live together, and second of all, can we deal with the whole monogamy issue before we deal with the moving in together issue? I’m having trouble keeping up."

"Unlike myself, " Rodney said, indicating his still full erection. "Can you talk a little faster? I was kind of enjoying the moment when you burst in here and I would really like it if we could get past the arguing phase as quickly as possible and move on to the wild monkey sex phase so the evening’s not a total waste."

"Rodney, stop thinking with your dick and listen to me. I’m tired of sharing you with the rest of Atlantis. I’m tired of this open ended relationship where you get to have all the fun and I get to sit alone on Saturday nights waiting for the phone to ring…"

"Oh please," Rodney said. "Like you don’t see your fair share of action."

"I don’t," John said. "Not anymore."

"What?" Rodney blinked. "I mean – I always thought – well, you’re so hot and cute and all, I just figured…"

"Yeah. Not so much." John scratched his head. He couldn’t remember the last time he used his charm and good looks to get someone other than Rodney into bed. It was kind of sad. "I guess I’m a one man guy after all."

Rodney was momentarily speechless. And then suddenly he leapt to his feet and threw his arms around John. He was still buck-naked and John couldn’t help feeling a little aroused.

"I’ll do it!" Rodney said. He kissed John, hard. "You’ve made me the happiest man alive."

"I – ah – what?"

"Of course, it would be a great loss to Atlantis," Rodney said, looking thoughtful. "But I’ve been giving Major Lorne a lot of instruction and I think he has potential. And Ronon could easily take up the slack given a little time and training – you know how he loves to train – and perhaps a lesson or two on the manly art of not snuggling. But I think we could work something out."

"What did I – ah – we just agree to?"

Rodney blinked. "An exclusive relationship. What did you think we were talking about?"

John blew out his breath. "I thought maybe I’d proposed without realising."

"Don’t be stupid," Rodney said. "Marriage is so Milky Way Galaxy. The Pegasus Galaxy has so many more interesting rituals we can choose from to celebrate our exclusivity status. The Athosians have a wonderful exclusivity ceremony where the happy couple spend a whole week sequestered in a tent. People bring them food and fresh water and stuff so they can devote all their time and energy to sex. It’s very civilised. Oh and gay couples? Totally normal."

The thought of spending a week in a tent with Rodney sounded pretty good to John. Only it also sounded too easy. "Wait," John said. "You’d really give up being Atlantis’s number one stud for me?"

"Sure," Rodney said. "I mean, being a slut might sound like it’s all fun and games, but it’s actually exhausting – and I’m not getting any younger."

"Yeah, I guess it must be difficult…" John looked at the floor.

"What?" Rodney said. "What is it? I thought this is what you wanted?"

"Well…" John smiled sheepishly. "I kind of hoped you were doing it because you liked me."

"Oh!" Rodney said, rolling his eyes. "That goes without saying! Believe me, Colonel, having so many people depend on you for sexual gratification is not a responsibility I give up for anyone. Now for god’s sake can we have sex already? I can’t keep this – " He pointed to his crotch. " – up all night and you’re unbearably cute when you’re being all insecure and unassuming. I really need to make out with you before I explode."

"But I...uh…" John said, but Rodney was already tugging at John’s t-shirt and pushing it up John’s chest. John sighed as he raised his arms so Rodney could lift the t-shirt over John’s head. "Just tell me one thing, " John said as Rodney hooked a finger in the waistband of John’s pants and dragged him to the bed. "Was it Colonel Caldwell who taught you how to do the thing with your leg?"

"Sure," Rodney said. He pushed John’s pants down to his feet. "He’s really something, isn’t he?"

"I would really like it," John said, kicking his pants off. "If we never spoke of it again."

"Okay," Rodney said, parting John’s legs and lowering a kiss to the inside of John’s thigh just below his crotch. "Only you really are missing out – it was quite amazing. He started by…"

John grabbed Rodney by the chin and made Rodney look him in the eye. "Never. Again."

"Fine," Rodney said. He pulled away from John and went back to John’s thigh. "You sure are testy when you’re not getting some."

Tell me about it, John thought. But then Rodney worked his way up to John’s cock and started sucking John down, long and slow.

John leaned his head back and sighed. "You know, Rodney – you really are…" Rodney’s fingers slid around to John’s ass and John, once again, forgot what he was thinking.

Fini.

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