Title: All That Is and Isn't

Author: cgb (luberluber@yahoo.com.au)

Web: http://appelsini.tripod.com/Christine/

Category: slash f/f UST Sam/Janet

Rating: PG - 13

Archive: Sure

Spoilers: None

Disclaimer: Consider me disclaimed. Come and get me

big corporations - wheeeeee....!

Summary: "She likes to be matched"

Acknowledgments: at the end.

*

Sam hops from foot to foot, arms wrapped around her

body, hands under her armpits keeping warm. The air is

cold, stinging her cheeks. Her breath comes in little

clouds that hang in space and dissipate. 

She'd prefer to jog later but the good Doctor has an

early start so she beats the sunrise, and forces

herself into an unfriendly morning.

Janet arrives, parking the station wagon on the

street, and bouncing out the door and over to Sam's

side. She is fresh faced and exuberant. Sam feels

sluggish and slow by comparison. 

"Brisk, isn't it?"  Janet says. 

Sam rolls her eyes and shivers. She gives herself a

shake and let's her hands fall to her side. "We have

to get going before I freeze over." 

Janet smiles and stretches her arms over her head.

"Stretch Sam. I'm not treating you for sports injury."

Janet is dressed in grey sweats with a hood. Sam's

attire is almost identical. She marvels at their naval

propensity for uniform. Jack would laugh if he could

see them, although she'd recommend he join them at the

present hour before mocking their military-ness.

They run. Janet sets the pace, and they settle into a

comfortable rhythm.

And they talk. If nothing else it is the society of

these runs that they keeps them going. Sam asks about

Cassie and Janet relates the weeks' events at home. It

makes them laugh, makes them feel normal.

"I can't believe these trainers," Janet says. "The

heel is going, the toe is thinning. And I'm sure the

impact is getting worse." 

"Were they expensive?" 

"Aren't they all? They're supposed to correct my form

- do you think my form needs correcting?" 

Sam thinks about Janet's form and sneaks a sidelong

glance in her direction. Janet's form, as always,

looks fantastic. 

"Looks fine to me." 

"I feel fine." She shrugs. "How's your shoulder?" 

Sam dislocated her shoulder on a mission last week.

She reflexively rolls her shoulder in response to the

enquiry. It's fine and she says so. 

Sam feels her body warming, beginning to glow as the

muscles burn with energy. She complains about the

early mornings but she can't fault the feeling of her

body powering ahead, strong and seeming invincible. 

It feels good. It feels alive. 

Jogging with Janet is a sporadic pleasure. Slotted in

between missions and attempts to save the world, it's

too infrequent. Sam forgets how much she misses it as

they find themselves side by side again, feet finding

a matched beat. 

"You remember Klinsky?"  Janet says. 

Sam screws up her nose. "SG 9? Arrived last October?"

Nice, good looking, green - but they all are to begin

with. 

"That's him." 

"What about him?" 

"He asked me out." 

Sam's eyes go wide. "You're kidding!" 

"I'm not." 

"What did you say?" 

"'Why not?'" 

Sam considers this. She hasn't dated in a long time,

hasn't really had an offer. Well, not one from this

planet anyway. 

She thinks she detects feelings from Jack she can't

understand and perhaps doesn't want to. But it's not

something she's had to think about. Not conclusively. 

Her relationships, Jack, Daniel, Janet, even Teal'C,

are necessarily complex due to the nature of their

work and whilst they are not physically intimate, the

intensity is undeniable. 

And sometimes indescribable. Her relationship with

Janet isn't easily defined but she is still

disconcerted by the thought of someone taking it away.

"How bad could it be right?" Janet says. "My last date

threw up on my Blahniks. I think it was the

cannelloni" 

Sam laughs nervously. "I haven't been on a date in a

while..." 

"Do you miss it?" 

She hadn't even thought about it, until now. "No, but

sometimes - it's something I should be doing, right?

It's what normal people do, right? Date, marry..." They

cross the street and run on the grass around the edge

of a park. "I mean, is it healthy to be so removed

from real people?" 

"I'll be the judge of what's healthy and what's not,"

Janet says and she grins. "You're doing just fine,

Sam. For everything you've been through, you're in

good shape. Mentally as well as physically." 

Sam catches Janet giving her a look that takes her in

from head to toe. She expects Janet does that, takes

everything in at once, looks for aberrations, and

makes quick calls. Obviously any doctor assigned to

the SGC was going to be a quick study but Janet can

match Sam for quick wits and leaps of logic. 

And she likes to be matched. It's rare. 

Janet reaches the corner of Sam's street and slows to

a walk so they can cool down on the final leg. Sam

hits the corner shortly after and groans, putting her

hands on her hips and coughing. 

Janet turns around and frowns. "Are you getting a

cold?" 

"I'm fine. I'm just not used to this time of the

morning." 

Janet makes them stretch again. Sam peels off her

sweater and ties it around her waist.  She is wearing

a white T-shirt underneath that is damp with cold air

and sweat. She wipes her hands on her t-shirt and

leans to the side exposing her midriff. The rush of

cold air on her warm stomach is a shock. 

"Let's get inside and get warm," Janet says, nodding

at Sam's T-shirt. "If you catch pneumonia I'll never

forgive myself." 

Inside Sam puts coffee in the coffee filter and Janet

gives her a nominal lecture about caffeine abuse. Sam

thinks about things she's heard about Doctors - that

they're always on duty, that they're lousy patients -

all this is true about Janet. All this and much more. 

Sam pulls coffee mugs from the cupboard and waves one

in Janet's direction. "Coffee?" 

"Are you kidding me? Of course!" 

They both laugh. Sam pours coffee and they stand

there, in her kitchen, with identical sweats and mugs,

holding their coffee with both hands and blowing

across the top. 

"Do you like Kinsky?" Sam leans a hand against the

counter top. She lets her head flop to the side,

stretching her neck. She rolls it around to the other

side and back again. 

Janet shrugs. "He's nice. I'm not..." She goes quiet

looking away from Sam, out the window. 

"Not what?" 

"I thought it would be fun." 

It's funny, Sam thinks. It's funny that she seems to

know, somehow intuits, that Sam needs this

reassurance, and it's funny, too, that for once, Sam

admits that she needs it herself. 

After coffee, Sam sees Janet to the door and they

stand on opposite sides of the hallway for a while

talking about meaningless things. They hold their arms

across their bodies in similar positions. Sam begins

rubbing her elbows as her heart rate slows and she

feels the cold once again. 

"Same time tomorrow?" Janet says as she moves towards

the door. 

"Yeah, same time tomorrow." Sam reaches for the door

to unlatch the lock. 

And Janet tries to do the same thing at the same time.

It's a comedy of errors: Janet's movement echoing

Sam's and somehow being on a different trajectory,

intersecting Sam at an obtuse angle. 

It's all science of course, and maybe that's why she

finds herself studying the angle of Janet's arm as it

hits the wall, preventing her from falling into Sam.  

She notices the way her own feet, reacting faster than

the rest of her, twist against the inertia which

carries her body into the door. 

She notices these things, keeps them in her head for

some time after the event. Such information, such a

study in movement is always potentially useful, but

she wants to remember how it happened, what it was

they brought them to that point - the point where they

are inches apart, eyes locked, and somehow, closer

than they should be. 

Janet's hands landed against the door, but they move

on instinct, grabbing Sam's shoulders, trying to catch

her before she hits the floor. It's a combination of

this, and Sam's own attempt to brace herself that

stops this from occurring. 

Sam blinks. Janet studies her face. She has the

biggest eyes Sam's ever seen. 

"Are you all right?" 

Sam nods. "Yeah."  She should be laughing. She should

be shaking this off, something to smile about next

time they go jogging. 

Instead she is sinking against the wall. Not moving.

Not breathing. 

Janet lifts a hand, brushes hair out of Sam's eyes.

When she speaks her voice is low, whispered. "You're

not so tough, Major." 

And then she lets go, stands back. 

Sam straightens herself. Janet opens the door and

leaves wordlessly. 

And it's stranger than anything on another planet, in

another world, another universe. 

It's strange. And it's true, and it's there. Most

importantly, it's there. 

Fin

*

Acknowledgments: To Teanna go the spoils. To Lil goes

whatever's left. To the Bordello goes everything in

between.

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